capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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