I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
