is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
