well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
