He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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