I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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