my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
