Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
