the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
