best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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