Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
