Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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