I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
