I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
