My hand turned me down
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
