the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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