Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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