he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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