some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
