Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
