i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
