my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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