Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize