She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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