dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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