I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
