I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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