I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
