I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
