dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When are your genitals available?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
