I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
