I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
