Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
