this boner is exhausting
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize