As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
