let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
