You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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