Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
