so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
