there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
