You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize