I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
