she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
