I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
