wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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