It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
