just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
