margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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