also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
