Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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