The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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