You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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