Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
