I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
