I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You made out with two different species that night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
