I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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