I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
