Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
whose parrot is this?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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