he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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