I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
