I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
