Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
