Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
