my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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