I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
