all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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