do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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