Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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