I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
