I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
