:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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