I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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