No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
