i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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