weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am spending my child support on dildos
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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