I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
