You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
