i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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