you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
