I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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