even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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