Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
