people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
