he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
