Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
