i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
