You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
