My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
