I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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