A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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