would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
